I am mad. Mad at my living situation. Mad at Lance. Mad at work. Mad at myself for being mad. I want to go home and play video games.

Also I want to move away without telling anyone. Maybe I can meet new people. It would be a nice fresh start to life.

Guh.

On Saturday I went to Jarod's housewarming party with Jenny (of course), and I'm SO glad I did. I was worried it would be awkward since I haven't spent any time with that group in over a year, but it wasn't at all. I miss hanging out with those guys and I'm considering trying to go out to their events more often. I'm really not happy with my current friend situation right now. Lance's friends are just that - Lance's friends. Erin never responds to my texts anymore. The only people I seem to hang out with are Jenny, Lindsay, Crystal, and of course Lance. And Lance is hard to see with his shift work and now lack of car (more on this later). Crystal has a lot of stuff going on in life so it can be hard to get a time when we're both not busy. Even Lindsay is hard to get a hold of now and seems to be depressed a lot and doesn't want to do anything. So really, the only personal I spend time with consistently is Jenny. And even Jenny has a baby now so she can't just get up and go anytime she wants.

Thus, hanging out with the Jeff1 group sounds promising right now. I miss having a big group of friends. There's Lance's group, but I'm not overly comfortable around them.

What else is happening these days...scuba! I started taking scuba lessons cause my brother now lives in Australia and I plan to visit. It's going pretty good thus far. There's one lesson left, and I have to write the final, and then it's play time in the pool. I need to study badly to make sure I don't fail. Our instructor says he doesn't want anyone to fail and will help us out to make sure we don't, but it'd be better to just know the stuff myself. I have today and tomorrow at lunch to study which should be plenty of time. I'm gonna be sad when the lessons are over. I'm hoping to get my open water certification here in Canada cause it'll just be easier than waiting to Australia but we'll see how that goes. All of you should take lessons and go scuba diving with me. I demand it.

And now I should probably do some work. And get ready for lunch...

I meant to use this thing way more often. I also meant to update about Japan waaaay back at the beginning of April. Alas.

My parents are out of town this week. My brother is also out of town this week. And my other brother lives in Australia, so it's just me and the cat. I'm kind of enjoying being here alone. I can stay up late and play music and no one is gonna tell me to turn it down cause they're trying to sleep. I can clean up when I feel like it...although seeing dirty dishes all over the counter for two days drove me insane and I had to wash everything tonight. I can shower at 1 AM and no one will care. I'm even enjoying cooking dinner for myself. Although to be fair, to me, "cooking" is making something that doesn't spend 4 minutes in the microwave. Yesterday I boiled and then fried perogies, today I made hamburger helper and cooked some green beans from the garden. It's not like there's tons of effort, but hey, I haven't used the microwave at all this week.

On the downside, it's always so quiet, and this tends to bring my mood down. It's strange not having anyone to talk to but a cat. Being alone at night is really weird too. I've never really experienced more than a night at my house my myself. I'm paranoid someone is gonna get into the house and then jump out from a dark shadowy corner and stab me! Lance thinks I'm crazy, of course, because this IS St. Albert. It's the suburbs. I think there's been like one murder here, ever. Maybe two.

Anyway, I don't know if I could ever live by myself. I think the silence would drive me crazy. But it's hard to say. Maybe I just need another week to get used to it. Then I bet I'd never want to live with anyone ever again!

Allison and I have been talking a lot about moving out, possibly next year when she's had a chance to make some money. This both excites and terrifies me. Exciting because I will be free from parents! I don't have any real restrictions here now, but it'll still be freedom. I can go get a cat from the SPCA. I love the buzz, but I don't think the buzz would take well to moving to some cramped apartment type place instead of a house full of hiding spots. And it loves my dad. There's also that feeling of accomplishment, since it is breaking free from the parents.

But that's just it. Breaking free from the parents. Suddenly there's no one making supper for me. No one buying my groceries. No one cleaning up after me (although I've tried to stop leaving dishes all over the place and generally clean up after myself, the parents still collect dishes sometimes). No one driving me to work (I currently carpool with my dad since we work in the same building). No one providing me with cable and internet, or giant tvs and fancy audio to go with it.

I have to pay for bills like gas or electricity. Gotta pay for groceries. Rent! Huge chunks of my paycheck will immediately fly away to pay for basically needs. Spending needs to become responsible! No more cushy lifestyle.

I guess we all have to grow up sometime. I'm just reluctant to do it. I have my whole life to be an adult! I miss the carefree days of childhood.

The buzz is meowing at me cause it wants my cheese.

I've been meaning to update about JAPAN forever now, the mood has just not struck :P

Lately I've been depressed a lot, and it always seems to happen when I'm bored. I guess it's cause I have time to think about stuff, like how I have no friends, and how the few people that do tolerate being around me always have better stuff to do. It sucks, cause having no friends often leads to boredom, which in turn translates into depression. Blah. And yesterday and today, I've been incredibly bored, and thus depressed. Raaar. I am gonna take off on a road trip.

Actually, ranting about that shit has made me feel much better. Now I'm just really tired. XD

Once again, I have been neglecting my poor LJ. I'm going to make an attempt to update more, especially since for once there's actually stuff happening in my life. Well...not really. I will just pretend there is.

H'ok. So. Japan is rolling right along now! I finally managed to catch Allison online last night, and we made decisions about where we want to be and when. We scoped out hostels for Osaka/Kyoto and Tokyo, and I booked the Tokyo one for us. I'm so glad we're going with hostels (at least I am now, actually sleeping in them may change my mind XD) because this could potentially save lots of money, and I'll be more willing to spend monies on attractions and outings. And really, I think that's what I should be putting more money into. I can stay in 5 star hotels in Canada if I really want to.

So now all that's left to do is book the hostel in Osaka (I'm almost positive we're going with the one we were looking at yesterday), find a place in Sapporo, order my rail pass, reserve train tickets from Sapporo to Osaka, reserve train tickets from Osaka to Tokyo (Alie is looking into this), and then find things to do and see for...well, everywhere. I guess that's still a lot of stuff. But! There's a month to plan everything. Plenty of time. I hope. As long as I can catch Alie online once in a while, we should be good.

Now it is 11:30 and I'm out of stuff to ramble about. Actually, I'm really just tired. Off I go.

Side note, I'm obsessed with the LittleBIGPlanet soundtrack right now.

I feel like I'm pushing all the wrong buttons.

I have once again fallen off the face of LJ. Oops. I picked a bad time to update too, cause I am in a bad mood.

I am currently sick of life. I feel like I'm going nowhere, and let's face it, I'm really not. I do little work at my job, and when I do something, I'm bitter and annoyed by it. I've been told to just quit and get a new job, but I suspect I'll feel the same way at a new job. I felt this way at my last one, and now this one. What's going to make the next one any different?

My job also seems quite...I'm not even sure what the word would be. They don't treat me like a person. People are always hassling me at lunch while I have a fork full of food in my mouth and are unwilling to wait till after lunch. People yell at me from across the office to get me to come over to their desk. People phone me wanting help, but don't bother to phone again to say they've fixed the problem themselves and thus I waste time walking over to see them. People want to take away all the space around my server area and give it to accounting because there's three accounting people and only one of me. People want me to move all my extra computers away from my desk and into the server area and work on computers there, where it is noisy and dry and hot.

Stupid work.

I'm also having trouble with dealing with all the depressed people that seem to be around me. everyone's unhappy about something, and it seems like whatever it is is unfixable. or people are just unwilling to do anything about it. i guess i could fit into this category too. at any rate, it's making me depressed. which makes me want to not deal with these people. which is depressing, cause i don't have enough friends to ditch the depressed ones. ugh.

in happier news, japan is finally coming along. slowly but surely.

This coalition dealy that has been formed by the liberals, NDP and the bloc just blows my mind. Yeah, let's overturn the government during this global economic crisis. There's a good idea.

People at my work are pissing me off. This one guy sends me an email yesterday at 6 or 7 saying nothing on his computer is working. Right. I installed the adobe suite yesterday, and he was freaking out saying indesign wasn't on there. Um, yes it is. I had installed that part months before and when I went to install the suite it even said indesign was on there. Sure enough, I get down there, and indesign is on there, just not in the same folder as everything else in the start menu. People are stupid. They can't take two seconds to look at their whole start menu before spending 10 minutes typing an email to me saying nothing works.

It's finally snowing in Edmonton. I have mixed feelings. I've been enjoying the lack of ice everywhere, cause I hate winter driving, and I seem to fall down the second I take a step outside. Having no snow in winter just seems strange though.

I feel fat. I'm pretty sure I'm getting fat. I've been getting zero exercise lately and I've been eating junk. I have no motivation to go to the gym. My membership expires in about two weeks and I'm really having trouble convincing myself it's worth it to renew it. I've been so apathetic towards fitness and weight lately, and this really bothers me. I'm going to force myself to go to the gym at least twice before my membership expires. I have three passes that expire on December 31st, so my goal is to go to the gym at least 5 times in December. Sadly, that will be 5 more times than I've gone in November. If I renew before December 31 they'll give me a gym bag or something, so if I actually make an effort to go and make a membership worthwhile, I'll renew before then.

Despite the negative tone of this entry, I'm actually in a pretty good mood for once. I'm pretty sure it's cause I just watched Spiderman 3 :P HOLY CRAP I LOVE SPIDERMAN. Seriously. My dad and I went to futureshop to scope out tvs and audio stuffs for the basement, and it was playing on one of the tvs with a couch. I sat down for a while. Then Lance found us and we sat down and watched more. Hell yes.

I'm tired. I've been having weird dreams lately, and I've been able to remember big chunks of them. Usually I forget them like 2 minutes after waking up, but lately I've been remembering them long enough to text Lance or Jenny about the weirdness. I bet they hate me now cause yesterday I texted them both at like 4 AM when I had some weird dream about getting robbed. Anyway. Off to bed I go for I am tired again.

I was told I need to update more. Like a week ago. I AM LAZY, OK? Plus I never have anything to write about anymore. I never really did in the first place, I just didn't realize my life was so boring. XD

Anyway. Stuff. I'm having a hard time trying to think of things I can tell people to get me for Christmas. Everything I want is either big and expensive (a computer, plane ticket to Japan) or not giveable (mad rock band drumming skillz). Urgh. This was easier when I was younger and didn't care about expensive electronics.

( list o stuff )

In other news, I am sick yet again! I swear my immune system has totally bailed on me. Or my body hates me. Or both. Probably both. I tried soooo hard not to get sick either. I spent all of last weekend at Lance's house. I came home and went into my room and shut my door to keep sick people out. I had my bottle of hand sanitizer on my desk for when I ventured out into the kitchen. And I still failed. How frustrating. I don't feel like doing anything when I'm sick, and that annoys the crap out of me.

Oh, a lot of people asked me about bungee jumping, and I know pretty much all you LJ people have heard me talk about it, but I need to have it written down somewhere so when I'm old and senile I can read and remember this. Hah! So yeah, we signed our lives away on these forms when we first got there, which is always fun. I just signed it and my brother was like "you're not gonna read it?" What's the point? If I die I can't sue them, so whatever. We were taken into some secret side entrance to the waterpark and there was this random dude that came with us that I thought was trying to sneak in. Turns out he was jumping too. We went up an elevator to this platformy area on the side that was overlooking the wave pool and put away all our extra clothing and junk in lockers. The bungee jump dudes asked us if we wanted to jump attached at our feet or our chest. Everyone chose chest because with feet, you weren't able to touch the water or really do flips, and everyone (sans me) wanted to do both those things. I was just too chicken to go down face first. They put on all our harnesses and straps and whatnot, and we went up.

I would like to note that, once again, I'm horribly out of shape. Walking up the stairs to the top of the platform was brutal. Allison, when you get back, we're running again. ASAP. I'm also gonna drag Lance to the gym before my membership expires and after I'm no longer sick.

So we get up there and they hook us on to some wire that's stuck on the platform, presumably so we don't randomly fall off. Probably a good idea. They start pulling the bungee rope up and getting everything ready for the first jump. I got to jump last since I was the lightest. Oh goodie. I was not too keen on that. But alas, couldn't change that. I wasn't really scared at all when we were standing around waiting. I've been on numerous roller coasters. I'm not really scared of heights or anything. So standing around, not a problem. But then after everyone jumped and they got me attached to the bungee, and the guy counted down "5 4 3 2 1!" really fast and I took the step off the platform...that's when the fear kicked in. I could see the water getting closer to me really fast and I thought "oh crap, I'm gonna hit that water." The bungee jumping guy told me to look up about 2 seconds after jumping so I wouldn't get hit in the face with the bungee cord and that thought entered my mind at one point so I looked up and then I felt myself bouncing back up again. It was pretty weird. I've never really experienced anything quite like that. Roller coasters have you all buckled down so you're not going anywhere, but with this I could move around as much as I wanted to. Not that I really did. :P I bounced around a bit more, then the dude motioned for me to grab the rope they had set up to pull myself over to the edge of the pool and back onto land. This also proved to be quite difficult, and is more proof that I need to start working out!

All in all, it was a blast, and I would highly recommend it if you think you're brave enough. Next up: skydiving!

It's a beautiful cloudness night, albeit a bit cold. Perfect for stargazing. I took a longer route when I was walking back from Lance's house so I could gaze at said stars. I also chased a bunny for a bit (it got away pretty fast).

I'm still fucking depressed.

Pretty much everyone I know is either high or drunk, and if they're not, they want to be high or drunk. I hate people.

I am getting sick. Again. EFF. My immune system is shot or something. And I forgot the coldfx at home.

[from October 19]

I have decided to make a conscious effort to not drink for 21 days. I know I keep saying I want to cut down on my alcohol intake but I've been lazy about it and haven't really tried that hard. So, no more casual drinking on weekdays, and no more heavy boozing on weekends. At least for 21 days. That's supposed to be how long it takes to create a habit, so I shall hopefully create a habit of not drinking. I've been feeling so fat and slobbish and fugly lately because I've had minimal physical activity and I've been eating like crap. I figure one of the easiest places to start turning around the unhealthiness is by cutting out the liquor. I don't really drink excessively right now but I would still like to cut down to minimal amounts, or even cut it out altogether.

Today is day two. We'll see how it goes.

Yesterday I went to the gym with Lance for the first time in...oh, a least a month. Probably more. I also went swimming with Jenny, and while we didn't go hardcore and do laps, we did move around a bit and it was better than just sitting at home doing nothing. I hope to start going to swimming more cause I love swimming and it's somewhat exercise. I also hope to start going to the gym more now that Lance has a membership again. It's all about the willpower.

[aaaand today]

Blurg, I've had that open to post for days now. Hah. Anyway, today is day seven of the non drinking and I've had no drinking. I also went swimming with Lance on Tuesday, so slightly more exercise. Yay! I've also started walking up the stairs at work. It's only three flights with a few other random steps in between, so nothing overly streneous BUT. Still adding more movement!

Now, more important things, like travel. My brother has now confirmed that he has a job in Australia, so I'll be trying my hardest to take a trip down there. This will be difficult mainly because I want to go for at least two weeks to each place, and getting the time off may prove to be difficult. But whatever! I am determined to go to both places somehow. The old IT guy took off for a month at a time twice when I was here. Why can't I do the same? I went through all my old paychecks and in the last three months I've been paid $1200 of OT, which is approximately 1/3 of the flight to Sapporo/Brisbane. YAY. I should have plenty of money saved up for the flight come March. I just hope I can continue to get more OT before then.

I'm supposed to have a review next week. Joy. I had to fill out this career performance form, which I despised. I don't know what I plan to do in 10 years or anything like that. For all I know I'll be living in Greenland. Psh. What's even more annoying is that salary reviews don't come till November. Totally lame. They just want to deny me money. Anyway, hopefully I get a good raise. Cross your fingers!

Approximately two weeks ago I somehow managed to scratch the top of my foot at Brendan's moustache party, and it STILL hurts when I walk. This is pissing me off. It's bad enough I have the sore feet to deal with all the time, now the stupid scabby part has to pain me all the time?! I am currently in the process of picking it off. I scratched my other foot too, although it was a way smaller scratch, and I already picked that scab off.

...not that anyone needed to know that. Moving on.

I'm horribly addicted to Viva Pinata on the DS. Damn you R4 card. I have way too many DS games to play now.

Aannd now I'm playing hexic with Crystal. Damn. There was supposed to be more to this entry than scabby feet, I swear.

Oh, also, I'm pretty sure this is the greatest song ever and Lance rox for introducing it to me.

[11:30]
So I picked off the scab and 3 minutes later proceeding to scratch my foot on my desk in the exact same spot. And it started bleeding. Thankfully, I have spiderman bandaids.

Random crap. ( Read more... )

Recent dentist and optometrist visits have made me come to realize that my benefits here suck. Oh sure, 100% of dental is paid…but only up to a certain amount that Blue Cross determines is an average amount dentists should charge. Anything over that and I have to pay it. And I only have to shell out $21.61 per month to get dental benefits, which is really not that bad…except by the end of the year, plus the money I have to pay that blue cross won’t pay, I’m only paying $10 less than I would if I didn’t have benefits. What a crock. Jenny told me she pays something like $5/month for dental, so clearly I’m getting ripped off. I also discovered that I get $60 every two years towards eye exams, and lo and behold, my exam cost $75. I’ll be in big trouble if I need glasses cause I don’t get any money towards glasses. Yay! $400 glasses will have to be paid for by me! Luckily, my eyes aren’t that bad. Yet. But everyone in my family has glasses so I figure it’s only a matter of time.

I’m not sure what other flaws I’ll find with my benefits but I’m sure there will be more. Yet another reason to get a new job. Unfortunately, it sounds like the government has switched over to blue cross so I’d probably get the same shitty coverage I get here. Sigh. However, the government would pay better and I’d get pension. And possibly three weeks of vacation. This two week crap is just that. Crap.

I have been sick for the last week or so, and I’m finally starting to get better. I’m still pretty tired though cause I don’t sleep that well, but alas. Better than those first few days. I hate having a stuffy nose though.

The Calgary IT lady is here and I mentioned my Japan/possible Australia trip and she sounds worried about it. Naturally. She said that we’d probably just hire a temp. YAY. This makes it sound like she doesn’t care if I disappear for a month. Well, I’m sure she cares, but she’s ok with hiring a temp. That’s good. The only problem will be getting the time off from work. I figure I’ll give up on trying to bank more time, cause if I get OT paid out I’m still getting the money, right? I’m just getting it now instead of later. So I can take time off unpaid if need be. Whether or not they’ll let me take off a month+ is another story.

I started reading this Twilight book that’s supposed to be the next Harry Potter…and it’s already getting on my nerves. I’m not even done the first chapter yet! How many times is it possible to say this Edward dude is beautiful? UGH.

That is all.

Jenny and I went to moxie's last night and then wandered off to our favourite playground where we sat on the swings for approximately four minutes before it started to rain. Damn rain. It was coming down pretty hard too. Had it been a light drizzle I wouldn't've card.

At any rate, somehow we got to talking about how long we've known each other (and I will estimate it's been 9-10 years of knowing each other online, probably 5-6 of having met each other), and then about the PFFA...and it just made me miss all those people I used to talk to. I've long since lost contact with pretty much everyone with the exception of two people, one of which is Jenny. So I'm currently trying to stalk all the PFFA'ers on LJ. I barely remember usernames though! And a lot of people have abandoned their journals...possibly moving to other accounts or possibly just growing up.

I can't get over the fact that I've known Jenny for 9 or 10 years now! Like I said, a lot of that was online, but wow. That makes her one of my oldest friends.

Anyway. If you are wondering who the hell this random person is that added you, it be Abra. Add me back so I can stalk you. >:M

I'm supposed to go to Jeff1's wedding tomorrow. I was pretty excited at first but now I've lost interest. I haven't really seen most of that group for at least a year now. It's weird how easy it seems to be to drift apart from people...

On a positive note, Allison's goodbye thing is tonight. Yay, bowling! I seriously need practice cause I suck. There's also bowling with work next Friday, so hopefully tonight will improve my skills so they're less of an embarrassment in front of work people. I doubt it, but hopefully.

I'm obsessed with this song right now.